If You Give a Kid a Cookie

BY VICKY GU
OCTOBER 20, 2020

The classic story, remixed 25 years later. 

If you give a kid a cookie, 

she'll ask for a glass of oat milk with it.

When you give her a glass of oat milk,

she'll want a metal straw to drink it with.

When you procure her a metal straw,

she'll ask for a salad to complete her 'gram. 

After you make her a salad, she might ask you to pose for the picture.

Just act natural.

When she's finally eating the salad,

Teach her how to invest the monthly savings from making her own meals, in lieu of buying into the overinflated social cachet of fast casual salads.*

*Say you choose a digital investing platform, pick a risk level to your taste, and expect a 7% return. (A reasonable estimate, given the historical market return of 10%.) Investing $100 every month gives you $17,000 after 10 years—of which you only contributed $12,000.

Now that she's feeling financially fierce, 

she might want a cookie to treat herself.

Make her something new this time. 

Save the (date) trees, 

or Fiber for President, you might say.

So the next time she's craving a cookie,

she might vote to bake her own.